Kitchen Kat

Back in November I vowed to throw a huge inauguration bash.  Hats.  Horns.  A loud, crazy, ‘let’s hear it for hope, change and democracy’ party.  The day before the inauguration I’m instead left with thoughts of the blowout celebration that I would have had.  Blame my lack of festivities on too many like-minded friends traveling, too many deadlines and too many other festivities to plan.  With my fantasy menu still in mind, though, below are a few items that I would have served had I hosted a “Yes We Did!” shindig.

APRICOT-GOAT CHEESE COINS
Makes 25

Wouldn’t it be nice if the economic crisis could be solved so simply, with a platter of apricot coins?  (Yep, I’m really reaching with that one.)  Originating with my friend Elizabeth, who found a variation of it on the Food Network website, this recipe has been altered yet again to make it slightly simpler but no less delicious.

25 dried Turkish apricots
3 ounces goat cheese
2 teaspoons skim milk
handful of candied, cinnamon almonds, cut into small pieces
honey for drizzling

Whisk together the milk and goat cheese until cheese becomes smooth and spreadable.  Spread cheese on center of each apricot and top with a piece of an almond.  Place apricots on a platter.  Drizzle with honey and serve.

RED, WHITE AND BASIL SANDWICHES
Serves 6 to 12

If I used African blue basil, I could call this a red-white-and-blue sandwich.  As African basil isn’t actually blue, has a distinct clove taste and is more difficult to find, I’ll skip the patriotic color scheme and choose traditional sweet basil for this dish.

12 slices of Haloumi cheese, pan-fried
4 tomatoes, washed and sliced
generous amount of fresh basil, washed
1 loaf of organic bread, sliced
splash of balsamic vinegar, optional

Assemble the sandwiches with 2 slices of Haloumi, 2 or 3 tomato slices, a handful of fresh basil and a splash of balsamic vinegar per sandwich.   Cut each in half and serve as whole or half sandwiches. 

MUSHROOM PUFFS
Makes approximately 2 1/2 dozen

Created for a 2007 TMS column about cooking with fall mushrooms, this recipe ends up on my fantasy menu for its wonderful crowd-pleasing abilities.  Sort of like our 44th president, eh?   

2 sheets of frozen puff pastry, cut into 2-½-inch circles
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
20 ounces cremini or white button, cleaned and trimmed
1-½ shallots, minced
1 teaspoon salt
Freshly ground white pepper, to taste
1 tablespoon water
1 egg, beaten
1 cup Gruyere cheese, grated
Several sprigs of fresh parsley, minced

Thaw frozen puff pastry sheets.
        
Preheat the oven to the temperature recommended by puff pastry manufacturer.
        
Melt the butter in a large frying or sauté pan. Add the mushrooms and sauté over medium heat until slightly softened.  Add the shallots, salt and pepper and continue cooking over medium until mushrooms are soft. Remove pan from heat.
        
Using a 2-½-inch pastry cutter, cut out approximately 30 circles. Half will be used as the bottoms of the mushroom puffs. The other half will serve as the tops. Place the bottoms on ungreased baking sheets, spacing them 2 inches apart.
        
Add one tablespoon of water to the beaten egg and set aside.
        
Place one tablespoon of the mushroom filling on the center of each circle. Sprinkle Gruyere cheese and parsley over the mushrooms.
        
Taking one of the puff’s tops, apply the egg wash to the edges then place the moistened side on top of the mushrooms and press down on the edges to seal the puff. Repeat until all the puffs are assembled.
        
Bake in the oven for approximately 10 to 15 minutes, until puffs have risen and turned golden brown. For best results, serve immediately.

BARACK TODDY
Serves 8

Hot and smooth, this drink undoubtedly has its own, legitimate name.  However, as I couldn’t easily find it in my copy of “The Bartender’s Black Book,” for now it’s my cornily named inauguration drink. 

12 ounces skim milk
12 ounces Bailey’s Irish Cream
8 ounces Kahlua
dark chocolate, grated for optional garnish
fresh nutmeg, grated for optional garnish

In a medium-sized saucepan heat the milk on medium heat.  Take the pan off the heat, pour in the Bailey’s and Kahlua, stir and pour into small juice or stemless wine glasses.  Depending on how generous you are when pouring, you may have more or less than 8 glasses of this drink. 

Using a fine grater, grate the chocolate or nutmeg over the top of the drinks and serve. 

I have spent countless hours fussing over complicated appetizers.   Frantically sauteeing shitakes and scallions for mushroom puffs as the final minutes until party time ticked away.  Haphazardly rolling out and filling fresh pastry dough so that arriving guests would have piping hot, miniature red pepper quiches as soon as they crossed through the doorway.  Sweat.  Anxiety.  Ultimately panic as friends crowd the kitchen to watch me spoon roquefort-parsely batter into small, greased pans for their fresh-from-the-oven popovers.   

No more!  In 2008 I called a moratorium on time-consuming hors d’ouevres.   Rather than resort to chips and salsa, crudite or a wedge of cheese with crackers — not that I haven’t carted those out, too — I have amassed an assortment of simple appetizer recipes.  

Insalata caprese remains one of the easiest offerings.  Gather together a ball of mozzarella, a few ripe, red tomatoes and lots of fresh basil.  Slice the mozzarella and tomato and layer the slices on a plate, alternating between tomato, mozzarella and basil.  Sprinkle some fresh ground pepper over top and serve with a drizzle of extra-virgin olive oil.  Simple.  Fast.  Delicious.  

If the layers seem a bit too commonplace, buy little balls of mozzarella, cherry tomatoes and some bamboo skewers and offer an insalata caprese kabob. Skewered mozzarella and sun-dried tomatoes are also a quick and tasty treat.

Sick of or can’t eat cheese?  How about smoked salmon on pumpkernickel triangles, spiced nuts or marinated olives?  When all else fails, I can count on my friend Elliot to deliver a box of mushroom, spinach, onion and pizza knishes from his local Jewish bakery.  Talk about effortless!  Just pop the knishes into the microwave for a few seconds, slide them onto a plate and serve. 

Mozzarella Skewers
Makes 25 to 30 skewers

25 to 30 mini mozzarella balls
6 or 8 ounce jar of sun-dried tomatoes packed in olive oil
25 to 30 bamboo skewers or cocktail picks

Drain and pat dry the sun-dried tomatoes.  Slice each tomato into 4 to 6 strips. 

Fold the tomato strip in half, place it on the skewer or cocktail pick.  Add a mozzarella ball and another folded strip of tomato and set aside.  Repeat until all the ingredients have been skewered.  Place the skewers in a circle on a plate, cover with cling wrap and refrigerate until ready to serve.

The Union Square Cafe’s Bar Nuts
Taken from Nigella Lawson’s Nigella Bites (Chatto and Windus, 2001), these nuts are delicious and fool-proof treats.  Prepare a day or two in advance then place the nuts in a festive tin or serving bowl.

2 ¼ cups assorted unsalted nuts such as peeled peanuts, cashews, hazelnuts, walnuts, almonds and pecans  
2 tablespoons coarsely chopped fresh rosemary
½ teaspoon cayenne pepper
2 teaspoons muscovado or dark brown sugar
2 teaspoons sea salt
1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted

Pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit

Spread the nuts on a baking sheet and place in the oven until they become light, golden brown, about 10 minutes.

Combine the rosemary, pepper, sugar, salt and butter in a large bowl.

Pour the toasted nuts into the bowl with the topping.  Toss together until well-coated.  Cool then place in a decorative tin or bowl. 

Smoked Salmon Triangles
Makes 20 triangles

4 ounces smoked salmon, cut into 20 thick strips
10 slices of Rubschlager cocktail pumpernickel bread, found in the deli section of most grocery stores
3 to 4 ounces of creme fraiche
40 capers

Diagonally slice the pumpernickel bread so that you end up with two triangles per slice.  Spread the creme fraiche over each slice and cover with a strip of smoked salmon.  Top the salmon with 2 capers and place the triangles onto a platter.  Note:  These can be made and refrigerated roughly an hour before serving.  Left in the refrigerator any longer, the bread may become soggy.

Elliot’s Knishes
Serves 10 to 12

Invite your friend Elliot to dinner or a party.  Subtly remind him how much you enjoy the knishes that he always brings.  On the appointed night set out a microwave-safe platter and await Elliot’s arrival.  Snatch the white cardboard box filled with knishes from Elliot’s hands, pop open the lid and place the knishes on the platter.  Place the platter in the microwave and heat for approximately 20 seconds.  Pass around the warm knishes and enjoy!

After talking to the staff at various Williams-Sonoma stores, some of whom dissuaded me from trying to bake it again, I steeled myself for one final attempt at making the Build-A-Bear Workshop Santa bear cake.  On the morning of December 23, the day before our annual Christmas Eve party, I set out the ingredients, pre-heated the oven to 325 degrees Fahrenheit, greased and floured the cake mold, and prayed to the baking gods that this time I would get it right.  (For an accounting of preceding Santa bear cake disasters, read the previous entry, “Trials of Holiday Baking.”)

In spite of past tribulations, things went fairly well.  No molten batter oozing over the edge of the pan.  No decapitations.  No suicidal falls.  Only a slight neck fracture that I braced with frosting.  So far, so good.

After the cake had cooled and I had consumed both dinner and stiff drink, I prepared to decorate.  Since Sean was the driving force behind this holiday treat, he was given the chance of the season – to aid in outfit application.  Little did he know that this exciting opportunity would last until one in the morning.  Ah, Christmas baking!

The decorating marathon began with me filling in the huge center crack with leftover buttercream icing.  Hole covered, Sean and I moved on to creating the illusion of fur.  We did this by painting the surface of the bear with a chocolate glaze followed by a dusting of turbinado sugar.  As usual, I ended up with far more sugar on the counter, floor and my fingers than on the cake.  As a result, the poor guy looked as though he suffered from mange. 

Fur applied, we focused on the Williams-Sonoma fondant Santa outfit.   Warned of the difficulties of working with fondant, I passed the job of rolling out and cutting this thick, sugary paste to Sean.  He expertly trimmed the fondant to match the Williams-Sonoma-supplied pattern and then handed each piece to me.  I, in turn, glued on the Santa suit and facial features with dabs of buttercream.  As the photos indicate, we forgot about the buttons on his coat and skipped the black-toy-bag-with-red-ribbon prop.  Nor did we use a ping pong ball to mold the Santa cap.  Hence why our hat flops.  Why didn’t we fix the cap?  No ping pongs on hand.  As for the ample supply of toy cat balls, well, they seemed just a tad unhygienic. 

Bear decorated, we gently wrapped him in foil and left him on the kitchen counter for the Christmas Eve unveiling.  Unveiling it was.  On December 24 everyone gathered in the living room to watch as I removed layer after layer of aluminum foil to reveal the portly, little fellow.  Upon seeing him, our friends cried out, “He’s too cute to eat!”  “Leave him for the Christmas Day guests!” was the consensus among everyone except Mike, who is, coincidentally, a veterinarian.

Amidst cries of protest, the doc employed his surgical skills, sliced into the back of the bear and extracted a big piece of . . . fondant.  Serves him right!  

Over a week later Mike remains the lone person to take a bite of the bear.  Everyone else claimed that they found him too cute to consume.  Instead, they opted for the chocolate-holly cupcakes or white chocolate-cranberry panettone that I had made as back up desserts or the orange-pineapple upside down cake that our friend Jim had baked.     

In spite of their reluctance to try this little guy, friends and family need not regret missing a taste of Santa cake.  Thanks to the $2, end-of-season sale at Williams-Sonoma on Madison and 86th, I’ve stocked up on enough Santa, soccer, and princess bear kits to construct an entire bear village.  Then again, Santa does make a festive centerpiece.  Maybe I should save myself some time and anxiety and simply shellac and shelve him for next year. 

Ask me to make a pot of succulent coq au vin, a platter of spanikopita based upon that fragile phyllo dough or eggs Benedict with a picture-perfect Hollandaise sauce and I’ll rise to the occasion every single time.  Give me a “simple” culinary task, such as using a 3-dimensional cake mold to make a cutesy Christmas bear, and I flounder over and over again.

Case in point:  The Williams-Sonoma Build-A-Bear cake pan. 

Sean bought this adorable, Nordicware pan and the accompanying fondant Santa bear outfit at Williams-Sonoma as an early holiday gift for me.  The plan?  That I master making this cake before our annual Christmas Eve party. 

We both envisioned our friends and family crowding around the dessert table on December 24th, all smiles as they ooo-ed and ah-ed over the cake.   “Ah, look at the cute, little Santa bear.  Isn’t he just the sweetest thing?” 

They’ll definitely say something about that cake but more likely it will be, “What on earth is that freak of nature supposed to be?!  Someone please take a knife to it and put it out of its misery!”

The first failure was completely my fault.  Unwilling to invest the money ($18) for the Williams-Sonoma Bundt cake mix or the time to make my own batter, I skimped and bought 2 boxes of Devil’s Fudge mix for $1 apiece at the grocery store.   Bad idea.  Because I had over 2 pounds of cake mix for roughly a 1 1/2 pound cake mold, I ended up with extra batter in the mold, in the bowls and on my fingers and face (can’t let all that good batter go to waste).  Ultimately, two massive brown bears commandeered my oven, littering the wire oven racks and floor with globs of bear waste. 

Huge bears meant a huge amount of trimming.  I suspect that’s when the next problem arose because, although I followed the directions for gluing the two halves together with buttercream icing, my two halves never quite melded.  Instead of a seamless bear, well, I’ll just share this picture for, in this case, it really is worth a thousand words.

As if a giant gorge in the center of the bear wasn’t bad enough, I also faced decapitation.  Yes, one half of the head fell off as I removed it from the baking pan.  The other half then cracked at the neck.  Thanks to extra buttercream frosting, Chef Frankenstein re-attached the head, mended the cracks and concealed the flaws with a very liberal dusting of powdered sugar.  Problems solved, I had hoped.    

Things went progressively downhill from there, culminating in the bear separating, falling onto my kitchen counter and then breaking in two, the torso staying plastered to the green countertop while the head flopped onto the antique white tile floor.  Talk about a baking disaster.  At least the frosting-covered tile made my fat cat Owen’s night. 

Before starting the next cake, I looked online for customer feedback.   Maybe I wasn’t the only one struggling with the Santa bear.  ‘Fraid so.  Everyone else loved it.   

Feeling that I was missing something, perhaps many things, I decided to watch the 4-minute, instructional, Build-A-Bear cake workshop, online video.  What did I learn?   Most importantly, make a dense — not featherweight, el cheapo — cake batter that will support itself when placed upright.  Don’t knock off the head or tail.  Use parchment paper and not my bare hands to move the halves, which helps with all important rule #2 , don’t knock off . . ..

The second bear faired better, although Owen stayed close by, just in case another catastrophe sent more icing his way.  This time, following the recipe listed on the back of the cake pan’s box, I made a denser batter from scratch.  When removing the bear halves from the pan, I managed to keep both intact.  As for using parchment paper, I skipped that step but still didn’t knock off the head or tail.  I continued to have a problem with that unsightly gap where the two halves joined together but, sadly for Owen, the cake remained in one piece.      

I’m hopeful that the Build-A-Bear decorating kit, with its red, fondant Santa suit and hat, will make my creation more attractive.  My garish shower of powdered sugar certainly did nothing to help matters.  

Recently the New York Times ran a small story about Europe’s reversal of a ban on selling “ugly” produce.  At the time I laughed at the bizarreness of this ruling.  I did the same two weekends ago as I stood on line at the Phoenixville Farmers’ Market, a knobbly parsnip clutched in my right hand.  Years of hanging out at farmers’ markets and of intermittently and unsuccessfully growing my own vegetables have taught me that beautiful does not mean better.  In fact, in most instances the pretty produce found at grocery stores is downright bland. 

Granted, every now and then my farmer’s market purchases might yield a crooked carrot or dirt still clinging to my microgreens.  Yet, because of the wealth of good, seasonal products and opportunity to support local and increasingly biodynamic farmers, it remains my preferred place for produce.  Thanks to the luxury of travel and of dividing my time between city and suburban life, I have a long list of favorite markets at which I shop. 

In New York I go to the place that anyone who has ever lived in or around the city seems to know, Union Square’s Greenmarket.  Greenmarket has multiple locations, including a spot right near my apartment on Columbus and 97th.  Yet the Union Square locale, the biggest and most diverse in my opinion, is my favorite.   In spring and summertime the grounds surrounding Union Square Park overflow with stalls bearing fresh berries, mounds of freshly picked corn, greens, locally baked breads, cookies and other treats.  In fall apples, pumpkins, mums and hot mulled cider replace the summer offerings.   On the coldest January days a few sellers persevere, providing root vegetables and warm winter cheer. 

When in the Hudson Valley, I love stopping at the Sunday morning market in Rhinebeck.  Held in the municipal parking lot from 10 a.m. until 2 p.m., the Rhinebeck Farmers’ Market showcases local wineries, cheeses, honey, eggs, cut flowers, produce and baked goods.  With its live music, free wine tastings and periodic cooking demonstrations I am in farmer’s market heaven.  

   In Lancaster, Penn. my mother-in-law as well as friends Scott, Dore and Julie have the pleasure of shopping at the historic Central Market.  Scott and Dore, who live in downtown Lancaster, walk to the market whenever it’s open, which happens to be on Tuesday, Friday and Saturday.    

Whenever I visit Lancaster, I make an effort to arrive on a market day.  There I stock up on Lancaster County preserves, relishes, red velvet cupcakes, organic dog treats and catnip toys.  When I return home, everyone from Sean the spouse to Max the dog and cats Owen, Clive and Scooty in between revel in my haul from America’s oldest covered market, circa 1730. 

Beyond my usual haunts I have had great fun walking the aisles of St. Louis’s Soulard Farmer’s Market.  Open since 1779, it’s the oldest farmer’s market west of the Mississippi and an enormous one at that.  Want a plucky, live chicken?  Sunglasses?  Watermelons?  Flowers?  Pigs’ snouts?  How ’bout a $2 beer that you can drink while wandering around, looking for a slab of gooey butter cake?  Soulard has it all and then some.